You're Brew-ti-ful // Faithfully Honest

One day, a friend told me I hurt her feelings. My stomach sank. I thought, “What did I do?” 😟

She explained that during a trip we took together with some friends, we were standing in an elevator. As we were riding along, she complimented me. I turned to her, and instead of saying “thank you”, I proceeded to compliment her back.

Confused, I thought back to the moment she was talking about. It was a time when I was struggling with who I was. I remember receiving the compliment and automatically shooting a compliment right back to her. I deflected because I remembered how that day, I did not feel I deserved the compliment. I felt unworthy and my friend, with the Lord’s discernment, sensed this.

She explained how she felt her heart break. I rejected God’s creation (myself) due to my clouded perception that I was not deserving of being told something good. I hurt her feelings because I couldn’t see the good in myself.

I didn’t really know what to say. But she was right: I let the shaming narrative of what others had spoken over my life take over the view I had of myself, that I couldn’t even take a simple compliment. This saddened her.

It took me some time, but regaining my confidence back has been a lot of work.
A lot of peeling back layers.
A lot of tears shed.
A lot of unlearning bad mental habits.
A lot of grace with myself.
A lot of surrendering to the Lord.
A lot of… A LOT!
I’m not 100% together (who is?!) but I’m definitely better.

If you’ve been there, then you know.
But also know, you’re not alone.

I’m sorry for the pain you are feeling. You are not the bad things people have said about you. You are worthy. I pray you find the right healing to love yourself like you deserve.
And yes, you do deserve it.
Love you 💕