Losing A Loved One // Faithfully Honest
Last month, my family unexpectedly lost my aunt, someone who was like a second Mom to me. I called her “Mama Tel” and she lovingly called me “babe” as she did with many of her nieces and nephews. Mama Tel was a bright soul, one of my favorite people to ever grace my life. She loved others fiercely and she always had a smile on her face and faith in her heart. ⠀⠀
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At the moment when I first found out about her passing, I just sat on our living room couch, turned off our tv, and stared at the blank screen. Whenever I lose someone, there’s always this brief moment of disbelief, that the news couldn’t be true, that it was impossible for someone so precious to me to be taken away in an instant. I just talked to her a few days ago...
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When I came to terms with what I knew, I walked to my husband’s office and broke down in tears while he embraced me in a hug.
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These moments of taking in devastating news and feeling the pain, for lack of a better word, sucks. I’ve sadly lost many family members in the past, so as grief sets in this time around, each stage feels like a familiar friend I’ve met before.
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My aunt’s passing gave me time to reflect. It reminded me that time is valuable, life is short and there can never be enough good memories to create with the people I love.
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Gman & I traveled to San Diego to visit family and grieve together. Being there felt refreshing like we were where we belonged for those few days. I remember countless times during our trip where although I was sad, I felt happy to be with family. It warmed my heart to be in my 2nd home city, to reminisce, and to be there with Gman and see him spend time with my family. I feel blessed.
If death could talk, I think it would say that it’s sorry to cause pain for the ones left here, but the person they’re taking is going to never feel pain again and will be reunited with our maker.
Knowing my aunt and how much she suffered her last few months alive fills me with a sense of peace knowing she won’t have to live in pain or fear anymore. Most importantly, she’ll be with God and be happily reunited with our other family members who have passed; God’s got her. In another way, God has our family down here too. Mama Tel’s spirit lives on, so we’ll be okay in the end, I’ll be okay in the end.
Today, four weeks after her passing, I celebrate Mama Tel’s life. I’ll miss her dearly and will hold every precious memory I have of her in my heart. I’ll eat an oatmeal raisin cookie in her memory (cause that’s what we baked together), listen to songs by Heart and hear her voice sing the lyrics (she was in a rock band in the Philippines), and will remember to live as she did: fiercely loving others with a smile on my face while holding faith in my heart.
Xo