The past few weeks have been crazy busy for me (I feel like all I talk about in my posts lately are how busy I am. LOL). With graduation around the corner, attending classes and being a working girl, my schedule is chalk full of things to do and places to be. Although I would rather be busy than be doing nothing at all, it can get too much sometimes. As positive of a person I seem to be, I still have my moments of negativity and those are the worst. I think my close friends and family can vouch for this when I say that when I’m super stressed, I become a completely different person. I either become very quiet and sullen, not looking anybody I interact with directly in the eye and I begin to talk in a low voice. Then there’s the other side of me that comes out, where I am just annoyed at EVERYTTTTTTHINGGGGG anyone says. If anyone tries to ask me a question, I snap back in a really angry tone. It’s horrible. The brat in me is the worst ! I dislike feeling this way, but to be completely honest, this side of me has taken over for the past few weeks. I usually go through periods in my life where I tend to gravitate towards my emotions of stress, worry and anxiety versus being happy, optimistic and confident. Before, it was worse, but I’ve been trying my hardest to work on this. Luckily, I have amazing people in my life that understand me without even having to explain anything. Those people are amazing and I’m truly grateful for them. However, it still isn’t right for me to take my stress out on them.
When I feel stress, it’s a combination of emotions all rolled into one. I start to feel unconfident in myself, as if I’m drowning in an ocean of emotions. I start to lose faith in not just what I’m dealing with, but other aspects of my life. One example I can use is my blog. To be one hundred percent candid with you all, although I’ve been super busy with other things in my life, one of the main reasons I stopped writing for a while was because I was stressed out with a mishap that happened regarding my blog. A few months ago, someone tried to impersonate me on Instagram, stating they were me, taking a picture from my profile, following people that I personally knew and loved and even had the blog link for Dizzy Spangle in their profile bio. When that happened, I felt as though everything I was doing was just one big joke. Even though it was ONE person who had the nerve to make an account and pose as me, it was still very disheartening. All the work I put into my blog, all the endless hours of shooting with my friend/photographer Mel and hours of writing I did in between activities was a waste of time…or at least that’s how it felt. And what disappointed me more was that I was letting one person rob me of my joy for something I loved to do.
As I step back with a clear mind and look at my situation, I realize that I can’t let ONE person get the best of me. I can’t let stress overwhelm me to the point that I just stop everything. I’ve come so far, I’ve done so much. I can’t lose faith.
A few weeks later, I saw this quote in my Instagram feed:
Faith is the art of holding on to things in spite of your changing moods and circumstances.
When I stumbled across this quote from C.S. Lewis, it was like a brick to the face (with the best intentions, of course). I read it and it took me a few times to let the words marinate in my mind. The truth about faith was staring at me straight in the face. In that moment, it was the most beautiful quote I had read in my life. You know what I’m talking about, when you read something that clicks with you and you just think, “Oh my gosh! That’s ME!” I literally uttered those words out loud to myself when I read this quote. I snapped back into reality and realize that I was being dumb for losing my faith in anything and letting all of this get to me to the point where I couldn't see past all the negativity. I knew it was time for a change. So here I am, writing this entry for you all.
Look, I don’t know if you’ve ever felt the way I did or if you feel that way now, but believe me when I say that no matter what you go through, don’t lose faith. Press on and keep fighting through all the negativity. Don’t let your emotions pile up on you to the point that you lose faith in everything. Don’t let what other people do or say keep you from moving forward. Don’t let wild card occurrences shock you to the point that you just stand still, let go of your joy and soak in the stress. Instead, let go of the bad and grasp tightly onto the good, to your hope and faith. I understand that sometimes it’s easier to just be negative than to work at being positive. Do the work for your mind and your soul. I promise you, it will all be worth it. Remember how awesome you are and how beautiful your life is. Make it a happy time and give it meaning. Stick to your faith and you can overcome anything that comes your way !